Aug 06
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Jul 27
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Opportunity. I would like to take this moment to talk to you all about opportunity. Last week, our stock was at an all-time low of $.019 per share, putting the value of tfQ somewhere around $1900.   Well, I told you all not to worry.  So, what did I do? I released our own iPhone application. And guess what, it has sold so successfully, it is likely to double the value of our stock. We’ve sold 100 copies! That’s $1999!  Now, I know what you’re thinking; I really took advantage of an opportunity there. But that’s not the opportunity I wanted to talk about. Every year, in December, tfQ is scheduled to announce its person of the year in a very special issue. It will be a look back at all of the great personalities on Tumblr and be a celebration of the one that stood out the most - the revolutionary, the visionary, the best.I realized that my recent achievement of launching this magazine and doubling its value in just a matter of days is a great achievement, thereby making me a great man. So, back to opportunity.  I decided to take advantage of this one moment in time, this one opportunity, to do something truly revolutionary -  to change the month in which we celebrate the person of the year to accommodate my own great achievements.So let’s celebrate! I hope and I’m sure that I’m an inspiration to you all.Sincerely,Nonlinearmind-tfQ Person of the Year

Opportunity.

I would like to take this moment to talk to you all about opportunity. Last week, our stock was at an all-time low of $.019 per share, putting the value of tfQ somewhere around $1900.   Well, I told you all not to worry. 

So, what did I do? I released our own iPhone application. And guess what, it has sold so successfully, it is likely to double the value of our stock. We’ve sold 100 copies! That’s $1999!  Now, I know what you’re thinking; I really took advantage of an opportunity there.

But that’s not the opportunity I wanted to talk about. Every year, in December, tfQ is scheduled to announce its person of the year in a very special issue. It will be a look back at all of the great personalities on Tumblr and be a celebration of the one that stood out the most - the revolutionary, the visionary, the best.

I realized that my recent achievement of launching this magazine and doubling its value in just a matter of days is a great achievement, thereby making me a great man. So, back to opportunity.  I decided to take advantage of this one moment in time, this one opportunity, to do something truly revolutionary -  to change the month in which we celebrate the person of the year to accommodate my own great achievements.

So let’s celebrate! I hope and I’m sure that I’m an inspiration to you all.

Sincerely,

Nonlinearmind
-tfQ Person of the Year

Jul 25
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Stupid promotional golfball company in China.  I probably should have sent a copy of the logo rather than tried to describe it.  Anyone play golf and need 50,000 sub-par golf balls?  Of course, by sub-par, in this case, I mean not good.
I may just sell them to a driving range.  Would you be willing to spend the weekend helping me black out the “logos”?

Stupid promotional golfball company in China.  I probably should have sent a copy of the logo rather than tried to describe it.  Anyone play golf and need 50,000 sub-par golf balls?  Of course, by sub-par, in this case, I mean not good.

I may just sell them to a driving range.  Would you be willing to spend the weekend helping me black out the “logos”?

Jul 24
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I’ve been thinking about how to make money with tfQ  without succumbing to the temptation to add content, advertising, a website, or allow it to be sold anywhere other than our exclusive BoutfQues®. Then an idea struck me in the middle of the night last week.I read somewhere that there is a 13-year-old boy who designed a popular iPhone app and is making like $10,000 every week. No, I’m not suggesting that he purchase the company, although that was my first thought, too. But then I realized, the last thing we need is another investor person trying to over-mine my authority.What if tfQ had its own iPhone application? What if it allowed us to, not only expand our readership, but not compromise on the core principles I mentioned? Well, wonder no more!"Preview, locate, reserve!"That’s our tagline. Basically, the application will allow the user to find any issue ever published and preview it to make sure it’s the one they’re looking for. Then what? Are we just going to let them read the cover for free? And what about our bricks and mortar locations? Well, I’ve already thought of that (of course). All of the previews are intentionally blurred nearly beyond recognition. Non-content… protected! But how do you get your chosen issue? Using the iPhone’s built-in GPS, the application fixes upon your location and automatically finds the tfQ BoutfQue® nearest you! You simply reserve your copy and go to that location to purchase it! Simple!Oh, and there’s one more thing… We’re going to sell the application for $19.99. So not only will we generate money from magazine sales, we will also be generating revenue from the sale of the application!This is the future! I’m sure that you all are as excited as I am. So, get out there and spread the word around! Sincerely,NonlinearmindiCEO/Editor/Publisher

I’ve been thinking about how to make money with tfQ  without succumbing to the temptation to add content, advertising, a website, or allow it to be sold anywhere other than our exclusive BoutfQues®. Then an idea struck me in the middle of the night last week.

I read somewhere that there is a 13-year-old boy who designed a popular iPhone app and is making like $10,000 every week. No, I’m not suggesting that he purchase the company, although that was my first thought, too. But then I realized, the last thing we need is another investor person trying to over-mine my authority.

What if tfQ had its own iPhone application? What if it allowed us to, not only expand our readership, but not compromise on the core principles I mentioned? Well, wonder no more!

"Preview, locate, reserve!"

That’s our tagline. Basically, the application will allow the user to find any issue ever published and preview it to make sure it’s the one they’re looking for.

Then what? Are we just going to let them read the cover for free? And what about our bricks and mortar locations?

Well, I’ve already thought of that (of course). All of the previews are intentionally blurred nearly beyond recognition. Non-content… protected!

But how do you get your chosen issue? Using the iPhone’s built-in GPS, the application fixes upon your location and automatically finds the tfQ BoutfQue® nearest you! You simply reserve your copy and go to that location to purchase it! Simple!

Oh, and there’s one more thing…

We’re going to sell the application for $19.99. So not only will we generate money from magazine sales, we will also be generating revenue from the sale of the application!

This is the future! I’m sure that you all are as excited as I am. So, get out there and spread the word around!

Sincerely,

Nonlinearmind
iCEO/Editor/Publisher

Jul 22
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Looks like The New Yorker is also trying to differentiate itself from tfQ. Good on ‘em.

Looks like The New Yorker is also trying to differentiate itself from tfQ. Good on ‘em.

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I guess it’s obvious who they’re gunning for.

I guess it’s obvious who they’re gunning for.

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Hello stockholders (I love saying that), I’m afraid that I have some bad news and I just wanted to get in front of this before the liberal, pro-content, mainstream media gets a hold of it.It seems that I was ill advised in printing and distributing company stock, especially in exchange for no compensation. I think that I read it wrong on the internet. It seems that in giving away shares willy nilly, I have actually hurt the value of the legitimate stock held by legitimate stockholders (investors that I don’t like anyway).In fact, one of the stockholders told me that the stock was no longer worth the paper it was printed on. I thought that he was throwing around some “stock owning person’s” jargon, but he meant literally. Yesterday I spent over $2000 having stock certificates designed, printed and stamped with that gold foil. At the time the SEC halted trading on our stock, it was worth $ 0.019 per share, and with 100,000 shares outstanding, gives us a valuation of $1900.There is good news!  But first just a little bit more bad news. At the time that I gave you the stock certificates, the stock was at around $22. If you had been wise enough to sell it then, you would have had $22. Today you would have just under $.02. On the upside, that is still a bigger piece of tfQ than you had yesterday morning, so I don’t want to hear any complaints. You also have a certificate that is worth at least $.02.Finally, the good news! Once the SEC clears me of any wrongdoing (I’m just going to tell them the truth, that the Internet was wrong), I will be free and clear to run tfQ as I see fit into the foreseeable future.Lastly, in all of this, I don’t want you to think that I don’t have a plan to make money for the company. I have big plans and shall reveal them on Friday. And no, it does not involve adding content!Thank you for your understanding and patience,  stockholders!Sincerely,NonlinearmindEditor/Publisher/SEC “Person of Interest”

Hello stockholders (I love saying that),
I’m afraid that I have some bad news and I just wanted to get in front of this before the liberal, pro-content, mainstream media gets a hold of it.

It seems that I was ill advised in printing and distributing company stock, especially in exchange for no compensation. I think that I read it wrong on the internet. It seems that in giving away shares willy nilly, I have actually hurt the value of the legitimate stock held by legitimate stockholders (investors that I don’t like anyway).

In fact, one of the stockholders told me that the stock was no longer worth the paper it was printed on. I thought that he was throwing around some “stock owning person’s” jargon, but he meant literally. Yesterday I spent over $2000 having stock certificates designed, printed and stamped with that gold foil. At the time the SEC halted trading on our stock, it was worth $ 0.019 per share, and with 100,000 shares outstanding, gives us a valuation of $1900.

There is good news!  But first just a little bit more bad news. At the time that I gave you the stock certificates, the stock was at around $22. If you had been wise enough to sell it then, you would have had $22. Today you would have just under $.02. On the upside, that is still a bigger piece of tfQ than you had yesterday morning, so I don’t want to hear any complaints. You also have a certificate that is worth at least $.02.

Finally, the good news! Once the SEC clears me of any wrongdoing (I’m just going to tell them the truth, that the Internet was wrong), I will be free and clear to run tfQ as I see fit into the foreseeable future.

Lastly, in all of this, I don’t want you to think that I don’t have a plan to make money for the company. I have big plans and shall reveal them on Friday. And no, it does not involve adding content!

Thank you for your understanding and patience,  stockholders!

Sincerely,

Nonlinearmind
Editor/Publisher/SEC “Person of Interest”

Jul 21
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Everyone,It’s no secret that I feel no love towards the tfQ investors. They just have no vision of the future, with their talk of content, the Internet, advertising, and a proper business model. Most recently, they’ve threatened to have me removed as president if I don’t “turn the company around” and “turn a profit”. I asked upon what grounds they had to be able to remove me. Apparently, since it is all their money, they are the majority “shareholders”. Well, I went online to find out what a “shareholder” is and what a “stock” is and what “majority” means. It just means that they have more “stocks” in the company than anyone else, so they get to dictate the agenda.But not so fast! I’ve decided that I can continue to run the company by simply having more “stock” than the investors do, and went about running off several hundred copies of stock certificates.Since you all are my loyal non-content readers, I thought I would let you all in on the ground floor by giving you all stock in the company (thereby circumventing the investors claim of “majority shareholder”).To become a shareholder, simply reblog this to your tumblr.As the new majority shareholders, I know that you all have my back whether we “turn a profit “or not, and I promise that you will never see content in this magazine so long as I remain on as your humble leader.Sincerely,NonlinearmindEditor/Publisher/Stock Certificate Reproducer

Everyone,

It’s no secret that I feel no love towards the tfQ investors. They just have no vision of the future, with their talk of content, the Internet, advertising, and a proper business model. Most recently, they’ve threatened to have me removed as president if I don’t “turn the company around” and “turn a profit”.

I asked upon what grounds they had to be able to remove me. Apparently, since it is all their money, they are the majority “shareholders”. Well, I went online to find out what a “shareholder” is and what a “stock” is and what “majority” means. It just means that they have more “stocks” in the company than anyone else, so they get to dictate the agenda.

But not so fast! I’ve decided that I can continue to run the company by simply having more “stock” than the investors do, and went about running off several hundred copies of stock certificates.

Since you all are my loyal non-content readers, I thought I would let you all in on the ground floor by giving you all stock in the company (thereby circumventing the investors claim of “majority shareholder”).

To become a shareholder, simply reblog this to your tumblr.

As the new majority shareholders, I know that you all have my back whether we “turn a profit “or not, and I promise that you will never see content in this magazine so long as I remain on as your humble leader.

Sincerely,

Nonlinearmind
Editor/Publisher/Stock Certificate Reproducer

Jul 20
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Jul 17
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Jul 15
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Memes for tfQ

Everyone,

I know that I’m a kick ass editor and the right man to lead while the magazine is going through financial difficulties, but sometimes I get wrapped up in other things (for example today I’ve been trying to negotiate with a sky writer to write tfQ in the sky, but he keeps bitching about high winds and bullshit). Anyway, sometimes I miss some damn good memes. So, since this magazine is mostly about me, but also about you, feel free to mention a meme that has tickled you this week. If your meme is selected for an upcoming cover, you’ll receive a free subscription.

Yours (but mostly mine),

Nonlinearmind

Editor/Publisher/Sky Message Designer

Jul 13
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I know, I know… last thing I should be running is a business magazine.

I know, I know… last thing I should be running is a business magazine.

Jul 10
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Played 291 times.

tfQ’s First Radio Ad!

Everyone,
As you know the investors have been riding me pretty hard about not wasting money on frivolous things and immediately making a profit and paying the bills and making payroll and other unreasonable demands. Needless to say, I am grateful that you all have my back and understand what art is.

In an effort to broaden our reach and get new readers, hip readers from an impressionable demographic, I’ve decided that we need to advertise on the mass media. Unfortunately, with investors demanding justification for anything over $300, that pretty much limits me to radio. I was also unable to find proper voice talent for under $300.

But not to worry! Grandpa Campbell just happened to be a World War II Armed Forces radio announcer. And even though I hadn’t seen him in three years, I knew that once he recognized me after a few minutes, he would be more than willing to loosen up the pipes and belt out a kick-ass, cutting-edge spot. Sure enough, he didn’t disappoint.

The only thing left to do was lay down some music. Of course I didn’t have a budget for that, but I found some newsy-sounding stuff that had fallen out of copyright.

Anyway, this is the finished ad. I hope that you are as blown away by it as the investors and the 16-25 year-old demographic are bound to be.

Sincerely,
nonlinearmind
- Editor/Publisher/Visionary

Jul 03
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The investors have been a bit nervous with the lack of content in the magazine. Obviously they are part of the stuffy old “new-media” elites who are so quick to declare print media dead. I’ve been trying to convince them that our strength is our lack of content. That is why people will be willing to go out of their way to get to one of our 8 exclusive BoutfQues™ and drop $5 on a magazine with no content.
To put their mind at ease, I have signed twitter/tumblr sex-kitten emzbulletproof to appear in a series of billboards promoting the magazine. She was kind enough to appear at the unveiling and sign autographed photos of herself sitting on the laps of investors (for $15 each, which is how I paid for catering). They seemed convinced and very enthusiastic about the new campaign and the direction that I was taking the magazine.
Be on the lookout for billboards appearing in your town!

The investors have been a bit nervous with the lack of content in the magazine. Obviously they are part of the stuffy old “new-media” elites who are so quick to declare print media dead. I’ve been trying to convince them that our strength is our lack of content. That is why people will be willing to go out of their way to get to one of our 8 exclusive BoutfQues™ and drop $5 on a magazine with no content.

To put their mind at ease, I have signed twitter/tumblr sex-kitten emzbulletproof to appear in a series of billboards promoting the magazine. She was kind enough to appear at the unveiling and sign autographed photos of herself sitting on the laps of investors (for $15 each, which is how I paid for catering). They seemed convinced and very enthusiastic about the new campaign and the direction that I was taking the magazine.

Be on the lookout for billboards appearing in your town!

Jun 29
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I think I chose a good news week to launch tfQ Japan.

I think I chose a good news week to launch tfQ Japan.